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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
I'M STILL HERE?

The goats do this to me all the time. They know I'm a movie nut and I love to watch murder mysteries, action/adventures, scary shows with vampires (I'm a fan of Blade), zombies, dragons, Godzilla (I'm a big fan of Godzilla), werewolves, and there is absolutely nothing better than a well written scary movie where the guys scream like girls. Just can't beat that. But, I'm not silly, I only watch these during the daylight hours. I either rent the movie or tape it and watch it sometime when the sun is shining bright.

Early one morning, around 5:15 a.m., when it was really, really dark out, with just a dim security light barely working overheard in the young kids feeding area, I found myself feeling very good. It was fifty degrees, a warm spring morning, forty- five of my beautiful three to six months old little girls were standing on the other side of the gate, waiting for me to open it and let them in to their grain.

I was sweeping out the pvc pipe feeders with my broom, humming happily while the little girls repeated "Good Morning" to me and urging me to hurry up and put the grain out and open the gate. I was in mid swing in cleaning out a feeder when I noticed it had suddenly got very quiet. It was an eerie quiet in the darkness of the morning.

I glanced over at the gate to see what the little girls were doing and they were gone! Not a one was standing there begging for their grain. Nothing gets between them and their grain, unless it is really scary. I felt the hairs raise up on the back of my neck and I had this sudden urge to run.

I mentally had to take hold of the back of my neck and make myself stand still and look around. After all, I did have my broom in hand for defense and not even my heavy barn boots can slow down this old goat farmer if there is a need to run. Of course, it has to be a really big need to run for me to run any more.

Nothing. I looked around in the darkness and saw nothing. I whipped out my flashlight and shined it out into the inky blackness to see if any glowing eyes were looking back at me. Nothing. Yet the girls were gone. I stood there a second longer, getting my motor rived up in case a good run was in order, when what walked around the corner of the barn came one of the barn cats. Good Grief.

I went back to sweeping and humming and in a few minutes my little girls came back and all was right with the really dark morning. Now my older adult girls have known me long enough that they know how to spook me in daylight. One sure way is for me to innocently be out cleaning the water tubs and refilling them and have a herd of about seventy girls come charging around the barn on high alert. Not only does this really catch my attention because I am standing out in the open holding only a water hose, with no place to duck behind to keep from getting run over. And, forget about diving into the water tubs. I've seen spooked girls leap in and then out of them when they get really excited about something.

I usually just stand there, bugged eyed, and wait to see which way I should leap out of the way because I've given up being able to out run them. Even in my youngest days with brand new tennis shoes I couldn't outrun the girls. Half the time the girls slow down and circle around me saying, "Oh, Connie's here. She'll protect us." And, when I am completely surrounded they'll turn to face what spooked them to begin with. Usually, Buck, one of the livestock guard dogs comes ambling around the corner, looking all sleepy eyed, wondering what all the commotion is about.

What's happened is the girls forgot Buck was curled up tight, napping while they were dozing, and he had stood up and snorted after his good nap. The girls forgetting he was even there, suddenly saw a huge black brindle booger unexpectedly rise up among them. Well, they were out of there, baby. No standing around wondering what it was. My girls may not be the smartest girls in the world, forgetting they even had a livestock guard dog that has been on the place eight years, but neither are they ever going to stand around to be eaten easily by anything.

What happens the other half of the time when the girls pull a stampede on me? Usually I hunker down a little to protect my knees from being run into, hold my hands out in front of me and shout, "Girls. Girls." So far, they part like the Red Sea to go around. Now, if I ever miss sending in a Nanny Berries story, you'll know what happened to me. The girls forgot to part.

In daylight another trick the older girls like to spook me with is for me to be walking among them, checking them over, and all the sudden they stiffen (no, they aren't Fainting goats, though sometimes I wish they would) and everyone of them quickly turns their head around to stare at something really hard that is up in the woods. Who knows what's there under cover? Possibly bears, coyotes, bobcats, werewolves, zombies? But when the livestock guard dogs start growling. Well! That about does it for me. I find myself getting lined up for the run home because I don't plan on being the one left behind to be sacrificed for the greater good. I do wait and see what is spooking them before high tailing it home and so far it has been a deer or turkey or an innocent squirrel. At least that is what I tell them before I leave.

So, am I going to give up my murder mysteries, horror movies, and scary vampire movies so I'm not so easily spooked and wonder why I am scared and still standing there? I doubt it. The goats don't watch that stuff and look how easily spooked they are. I figure it's hereditary, so I might as well enjoy my movies, as long as I watch them during the daylight. And, when my little girls get spooked in the early dark morning hours, I just have to remember to shine my flashlight high to see what is going on. After all, Godzilla is tall.

THE END


 

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