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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
autumnfarmsboers.com
Connie Reynolds
Autumn Farm
Ravenswood, WV

LETTERS
by
Connie S. Reynolds

When you live on a farm and work long farm hours, itís important to keep in touch with the family to keep that closeness intact. Now, my family lives anywhere from 15 minutes to 30 minutes away. I can pick up the phone anytime and chat without it being long distance, or just run into town to visit. Leeís family lives much farther away and long distance phone calls are costly and the hours are not available to just up and go visit. So, I have found letters to be very important in letting them know what is going on in our lives on the farm.

I have a feeling my family believes that I tell them a little too much about what goes on in farming. My phone calls run something like this, "Hey, sis, you canít believe what just happened! One of the does was having trouble kidding and I had to put my hand in clear up to my elbow and grab a little jawÖ..What? No, not the doeís jaw, sheís not that short bodied, remember it was up to my elbow?! It was the kidís jaw. Yeah, still there? Well, then I had to turn it around, using the jaw. You know they have teeth in there?! And, then ease that kid out. Boy, by the time it was over we both were covered in the slimmestÖ. What? You gotta go? Where? The bathroom? Whatís that sound? You gagging?"

You have to remember that my family is a town family and have little dealings with farm animals and their peculiarities. Now, Leeís family is mainly town people too, but, when I write letters, no one interrupts me, and my thoughts and feelings on what we do on the farm has free range. Hereís an example of one of my letters to Leeís family.

Dear Favorite Relative, (I find they like that)

How are you? We are fine here on the farm. (see what I mean about a letter being able to flow?) Leeís tongue is feeling better after he bit it when the wheel on the tractor fell off. It gave him quit a jerk. We will both remember to tighten the bolts on the tractor wheel better next time.

My leg is feeling much better. That fall over the hill was quite an experience. I will remember to walk on the up hill side when I am walking beside our livestock guard dog. Sometimes he gets so excited about seeing me that he bumps me to get attention. Iím sure it was an accident, though he did have a lot of fun chasing and barking at me as I rolled down the hill.

The new rooster is starting to fit in. He was learned that it is not nice to ambush and flog the person who is feeding him. He just never realized before that I wear boots all the time and that I can punt a rooster with the best of them. It took him a while to get back over the fence to his hens after his unexpected flight into the next field. Iím sure the limp and the funny little twist to his neck will go away with time. Maybe even tomorrow, I just saw him hanging upside down on Leeís pant leg where his spurs got caught. Lee has hold of his neck now so that little crick in his neck should be straightened up soon.

We are still working on firewood. You can never have too much of that stuff, especially if that is your only heat source. I like getting the upstairs stove and the downstairs stove going and have the place nice and toasty. When people come to visit they immediately start shedding their coats and sweaters, and begin dabbing at their foreheads. When they get all warm and comfy itís hard to keep them awake. In the middle of one of my most interesting stories Iíll hear soft little snores from the visitors. Iím sure itís the heat causing this.

Speaking of firewood, Lee has finally fixed the brakes on the tractor. We went up the hill with the manure spreader to get a load of firewood and on the way back down the brakes went out on tractor. Lee would have baled off but thought he had better stay on since I was riding in back on a load of firewood. Letís just say we came down off that hill faster then God ever intended. I held on pretty good until we hit that last bump and I sailed off with a big piece of nice cherry. I told Lee later, after he had coasted to the barn and couldnít find me in the manure spreader, that I was trying to save that particular piece.

I have finally become "cool" with my nephews and nieces. Tattoos are "in" this year at school. At least for the next week or two I am the tattoo queen. How did I achieve this? Never call the goats for supper and stand in the middle of an open gate. I just didnít realize goats could run that fast to get their grain. The hoof prints on the forehead will probably be the last ones to fade.

Yes, we are still hauling in hay. I know itís late in the season, but we found a nice supply with the hay already in the barn and out of the weather. Our nephew has been helping us haul the hay in. You know how narrow our road is, barely a one lane. Yesterday we had the ton truck and the stock trailer going down that road very carefully, when suddenly here came a car over the hill, in the middle of the road at top speed. I squealed real loud, Lee sucked in air like he was trying to make himself smaller, and our nephew just quietly sat there. Somehow, Lee got off the road enough for that speed demon to get by.

I looked at our nephewís still face and asked him if he was all right. He informed me that he hadnít been scared a bit, he was going to fill his pants anyway. I need to ask my sister about this. Surely at sixteen potty training is finished.

Looks like Iíd better close. I just saw Lee run around the barn with the billy hot on his trail. If I remember right, I padlocked the gate that heís headed for this morning. Now where did I put that key?

Lovingly yours,

Connie

 

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