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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…
ZAPPED!
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO…

I have heard this argument among the goats so many times. I always have to stick around to see what the outcome will be and who will win. It’s just so fascinating. Which one will have the stronger will this time and win out? It beats watching soap operas any day.

This argument can take place between any age of goat, kids or even between goats and human adults. You see it between kids, between adult goats, between kids and adults, between kids and human (me), between human and adult goats. And, who will win? Will the adult goat return to the other adult goat who is hollering? Will the kid return to the mom who is hollering? Will the human go to the goat or kid who is hollering for them? And, why?

Fascinating to observe. Good enough to be a TV soap opera called, “As the Goat Turns” or “Guiding Goats”, “One Goat Life to Live”, “All My Goats”, or “General Goat Hospital.” The leading theme would be, “Who will answer the call of ‘You come here, no, you come here, no, you come here”? Absolutely riveting.

Possibly you have noticed this on your farm. A momma goat goes out into the field to graze. The kids want to finish their nap and don’t want to go. Momma is hungry and needs to get some good brush to make more milk to feed those napping kids. She wanders on out, knowing that the barn is safe. Sleepy kids watch her leave, but still don’t want to go. The hay is so comfortable to lay in, but mom shouldn’t leave them. They don’t want her to go and they don’t want to go with her.

She’s half way out in the field. The kids jump up and scream, “MOM!” Now mom can be young and inexperienced and run back to the kids, or she can be older with very young kids and still run back to them. An older doe with older kids knows the kids are fine and that she really needs to eat something, just usually hollers back to the kids, “No, you come on out here, sweeties.”

Now the kids can kick up their heels and run to mom, or that’s when the argument starts, “NO! Mom you come here!” It’s always fascinating to see how this scenario turns out. Usually ten minutes to a half hour mom and kids will holler back and forth, but who will give in? Ah, that’s the question. It’s a cliff hanger to wait and see. Okay, okay, so I don’t lead an exciting life to some folks, but this question of who wins is a real nail biter.

How about when one of the adult goats is napping in the field and doesn’t notice that the herd has got up and moved to the hillside to graze. She wakes up and sees everyone on the hillside but her! She screams, “What are you doing?! Get back here! I wasn’t finished grazing in this one spot!” What do the now hillside goats do? They go, “Phooey on you. We are here and we like it and we are all together in a group and we are happy. You come here if you are lonely.” And, that’s what the lone goat does. In fact, charges to the hillside group so she won’t be alone.

So far, what I’ve seen, it’s the kids that are the toughest in holding out in the yelling contest and a lot of times they win. They know they have power over mom, usually. I’ve watched moms travel on to graze, leaving several kids back at the barn. These kids weren’t sleeping or anything, they just didn’t want to make that trip on the hillside today. What’s in it for them, they ask, just another long walk. This is a good day to lounge at the barn because with mom there they have a milk bar handy and plenty to eat. They don’t take into consideration that mom is hungry. Who cares? Plus, they figure they have this power over mom. One yell and mom comes running.

Well, if they are older kids with older hungry moms, they have lost some of their power over mom. Oh, sure the moms will holler back to them, muffled hollers with mouths full of brush, but they know the kids are all right at the barn, especially when they can look from the hillside and see them standing there screaming by the barn. You do sometimes see a young mother freak out over the kids yelling and bring her own kids back just to check out the ones that are yelling. You know, just in case there was one of her kids in the group. But, after checking she returns to the group with her kids with her and usually the rest of the older kids charging behind her. So, the yelling from the kids can work out for them in getting an escort service.

What about people yelling for goats? If you expect them to come to you, it will only work if they are use to being grained by you. Oh, and it’s actually grain time. You keep trying to call them out of the fields to show them off to friends a couple of times a day, and you don’t give them any rewards for their efforts, well, forget it. They catch on real fast and learn to totally ignore you. So, human, forget the yelling for the goats unless you have something to bribe them with and they know that you will bribe them.

Oddly enough, goats never bribe me. They know they can yell at any time, and I’m there like a shot to see what is going on. Is anyone in trouble, hurt, lost? One yell and I’m there. So, there’s no big surprise or wonder that I run to the goats at each yell. They know they got me.

Now, if they stand at the gate and yell for their grain and it’s not time for their grain, they also know I am not going to respond. Spoiled babies can go out and eat, grain is for later. They learn that fast and also if they get the time right and yell that it’s supper time, they do get fed. They are surprisingly accurate on when is the actual time of feeding. The other times of yelling at the gate, they are just trying to trick you. I learned that after a few months.

Wait, I hear an older kid yelling for it’s mother. Oh, this is going to be good. This is a young first time mother with an older kid. Is she use to kid rearing now and won’t be quite as concerned as she had been in the beginning, or, will she come shrieking back to her beloved baby, thinking maybe a shark is eating him? Or, will she really just stand in the field and yell back, “You come here. No, you come here!” The suspense continues. I’ve got to go watch.

THE END


 

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