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12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
4 H FRETTER-ER
A BUCK GROWS UP
ADAPTING
AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING
ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD
AMANNAMEDJED
AND THEN IT GOT COLD
AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO
ANGRY GOAT FARMER
ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING
ANYTHING BUT THAT
ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES
AROMA THERAPY
ARTFUL DODGERS
ARTIC FRONT
AUTUMN BOQUET
B U B - B U B - B U B
BABY BACK EXCUSE
BABY MONITORS
BACK TO NATURE
BAIT
BARKING AT GOATS
BARN SOUR TRUCK
BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED
BE HAPPY
BEAUTY MISTAKES
BEHAVIORS
BEHIND THE GATE
BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER
BIKINI WEDNESDAYS
BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING
BILLIES & STICKWEEDS
BLIZZARD OF 92
BLONDE GOAT FARMER
BLONDE HUMOR
BOTTLE BABIES
BOTTLE BABY TALK
BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL
BOXING SUNBEAMS
BRONCHITIS.
BRUISE OR DIRT
BUCK LOVE
BUCKETHEAD
BUCKS IN STOCK
CALLING YOOOOU
CAN'T TOUCH THIS
CANE I DO IT?
CARPAL TUNNEL HAY
CATCHING PEARL
CHICK CHICK CHICORY
CHOCOLATE PLUM
CHRISTMAS KIDDING
CHUCK
COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT
COUGH DROP WORMER
COUNTING
CRUMPLED
CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT
DAYCATIONS
DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
DELOUSED
DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ...
DOES ON KIDDING
DOWNSIZING
DRAMA QUEEN
DRENCHED!
DRESS FOR SUCCESS
DUCT TAPE.
DUMPSTER RAIDERS
EARPUGS
EGG SHELL MASSACRE
EMMITT
EMPTY NEST SYNDROME
EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS
ESCAPE ARTIST
ESCORT SERVICE
FALLING SKY
FARM WALK
FARMER C S I
FEEL LIKE A NUT
FIRST IMPRESSIONS
FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE
FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK
FLOATING MUSHROOMS
FORKS IN THE ROAD
FULL OF BULL
G G
GATE ATTACK !!!!
GIRL WATCHER
GLIDING
GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER
GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED
GOAT ADDICTION
GOAT CELEBRATIONS
GOAT FARMER SONG
GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING
GOAT FARMER'S CREED
GOAT FARMING CAMP
GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS
GOAT HUNTING
GOAT KLEENEX
GOAT LANGUAGE
GOAT OLYMPICS
GOAT PROFILER
GOAT SCIENTIST
GOAT WHEELS
GOAT WRITER
GOATS RULE
GOOD GRIEF
GOT RUNS?
GOTTA WORK KIDS
GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS
GREAT KIDDERS
HAULING GOATS
HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL
HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE
HAY MONITOR
HE-BE-GEE-BE'S
HELP! HELP! HELP!
HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB
HELPING HOOVES
HERD OF TURTLES
HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE
HOBBLE, HOBBLE
HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER)
HOME DECORATOR
HORNLESS
HOT CHOCOLATE
HOW TO BUY GOATS
HOW YOU FEELING?
HUGS
HUNDERD YEARS
HUNTING LUMBERJACKS
I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE
I FEEL PRETTY
I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES
I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME
I'LL HOLD HIM BACK
I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT
I'M STILL HERE?
INDIAN SUMMER
INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS
INTERNET AUCTIONS
INVESTMENTS
IRON WILL
IT TOOK TWO
JINGLE BELL GOATS
JOKE - GET A JOB!
JOYFUL
JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD
JUST 1 MORE GOAT
KEYSTONE KOPS
KID CATCHING
KID IN A BOX
KID SENSORY OVERLOAD
KIDMARES
KNUCKLE SANDWICHES
LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER
LAST BUCK STANDING
LEFT OVERS
LETTERS
LETTERS FROM THE FARM
M. D. GOAT
MAD AGGIE
MANIPULATE WHAT?
MASTER BLASTER
MAYBE THIS TIME
MEMBER ME
MIND CONTROL
MR. SNUFFY
MUSHROOM HUNTING
MUTTER MUTTER
NAMING GOATS
NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE
NEW "KID" ... SHOWING
NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE
NEW KIDS.
NEW YEARíS RESOLUTIONS
NORMAL
OCTOBER KIDDING
ODE TO ODOR
OH, MY
OUCH
PANIC ATTACK!
PAW PAWS
PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY
PHONE CALLS
PHONE CLASS
PICK POCKETS
PIRANHA PEN
PLAYING DEAD
PLEASED AS PUNCH
PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS
PLOP
POOF POOF
PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE
PRESENTS
PRISCILLA THE HUN
PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY
PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER
PSYCH ME OUT
PUTTING ON A SHOW
QUIPS & QUOTES
QUIPS-N-QUOTES II
REAP THE WILD WIND
RECORD KEEPING
REDNECK TANK TOP
REFEREE
REQUESTS
ROAD TRIP 2003
ROCK ON
ROLL'UM ROLL'UM
ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN'
RUB DIRT ON IT
S-T-R-E-S-S
SANDWICHED
SAWDUST.
SCHEDULING
SCREAMING BANSHEES
SECRET AGENT
SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP
SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS
SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS
SHOTS
SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE
SLEEP DEPRIVATION
SMART GOATS
SMUDGED
SNAP, CRACKLE, POP
SNATCHED BALD
SNEAKY
SONG OF THE FROG
SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS
SSSNAKE
STAMPEDE!
STARGATE BOERS
STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES
STEP BY STEP
STICK IT WHERE
STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS
STUCK AGAIN
STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS
STUPID IS...
SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S
SUPER HERO
SUPER SUCKERS
SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M.
SURVEY SAYS
SURVIVING KIDDING
SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS
TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS
TALKING POCKETS
TATTOOING
THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD
THE $37.50 BUCK
THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS
THE COWBOY WAY
THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD
THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS
THE FARM WOOKIE
THE FLYING GOATZANIES
THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY
THE GAME'S AFOOT
THE GOAT WHISPERER
THE MOB SQUAD
THE MORAL BUCK
THE PET CHICKEN
THE PIED PIPER
THE PLAN
THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER
THE SMELL OF MONEY
THE TALKING GOAT
THE TARP ANNIHILATOR
THE THINKER
THE TICK
THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS
THE V WORD
THE WINDY TAX
THE WORM HAS TURNED
THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID
THIS END UP
THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER
THURSDAY, THURSDAY
TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER
TOO MUCH FENCE
TORNADO ALLEY
TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES
TOSS THE BLOCK
TOY TRUCK
TRAINING HUMANS
TRUE LOVE
TWITCHY HANKEY
UGH DAYS
UNCLE ARTHUR
UNWITTINGLY
USING CAFFEINE WISELY
WALK LIKE A TURTLE
WALK ON THE WILD SIDE
WALK THIS WAY
WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK)
WARNING LABLES
WAS THAT 65 OR 66?
WAS THAT CHRISTMAS?
WAS THAT THE WIND
WATER BUCKET TOAD
WAY TO THE HEART
WEANING WEANERS
WEE GOAT FARMERS
WELFARE GOATS
WHAT A DAY
WHAT DAY IS IT
WHAT'D YOU SAY?
WHATSTH THISTH
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES.
WHERE'S THE BRAKES
WHOOWEE
WIDE LOADS
WILD GOAT MILKING
WINTER LIST
WOE, DISPAIR...
WRONG.TURN!
YOU CALL HIM WHAT?
YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NOÖ
ZAPPED!
MIND CONTROL

"Yas, Mahster, I will get the grain bucket." Wait a minute. Where am I? I thought I heard a goat telling me to do something. You know, I am finally catching on. The goats have me under a type of mind control, the devious little creatures. When I wasnít noticing, they all have been training me to do their bidding. While I have been telling everyone that they are my goats, truth tell, I am really their Connie. They own me as much as I think I own them.

I do believe they can do mind control on us humans. Iím pretty sure I am at their beck and call. Just have one let out a yell and Iím there to see if they are all right. A schedule is set up for feeding, watering, checking the herd, putting out hay, setting out goat protein blocks or molasses tubs, scrubbing out water tubs, cleaning out pens and stalls, cutting down trees for them to nibble on delicious leaves, moving them from one field to another to make sure they have the best pasture, making their run-in sheds and barns comfy, sit with them when they kid, and the list goes on. They have complete control of me.

When itís time to do the feeding, I find I canít concentrate on anything else. I must get out there and feed. I canít stand it unless I am out there feeding. Iíll be so antsy that Iím not good for anything else, so you might as well let me go out and feed. While I am out there feeding I feel so relieved to be doing the feeding. It just feels so right and everything is on schedule and the goats are happy and everything is right with the world. Yes, this is what I am suppose to do is feed at this time. Thatís right. Those sneaky little dickens have done it again. Got me under mind control to do their bidding. And, you already know what happens if Iím not on time. I get antsy and canít do anything else and the goats cry and holler and moan and run back and forth. The farm experts insist that itís important to have a set schedule to keep the animals doing well. Ahhhhh, they donít realize that maybe they are under mind control too. They just havenít woke up to it yet, as I have.

Those goats are sending out mind waves and looking at you with adorable sweet little eyes and the goat experts just canít help write anything else but how to take the very best care of these wonderful creatures. Mind control, these goats have it down to an art. Of course, they have flubbed up in one area. In mind controlling all of us to take the absolute best care of them, they forgot that includes wormings, shots, hoof trimming.

Iím sure the goats are back pedaling some on their mind control now, trying to weaken that control a trifle so we might forget that they get worms, need vaccinations, and their hooves do need trimming from time to time. But, too late, their control is complete. We know now that if our goats are going to be the best they can be, they need wormings, shots, hoof trimming, and our zoned out minds are not sophisticated enough for them to delete those notions. They are working on it, trying to show us by running away if a drench gun, needle and syringe, or hoof nippers get close to them.

But, that mind control is complete, we round them up, corner them, even tackle them to give them the best care our mind control tells us to give. The goats have done their jobs too well. We dutifully and absolutely feel the need that we have to worm, give shots, and trim. We donít feel right if we donít. We get antsy and unhappy, and the world just doesnít feel right until we do these things.

This does pay off, because when we fight the mind control and donít take care of the goats, oh boy, problems galore occur. Next thing you know, the goats arenít slick, they look sickly, and diarrhea abounds. So, back to obeying the goatsí mind control over us of taking good care of them.

Which, the livestock experts say we should have been doing all along, though once again, they donít realize that they are under mind control by the goats, and they canít help but tell us goat farmers to take good care of our stock. They claim to have all this research. They are being mind controlled as much by these goats as we goat farmers. The livestock PhDís feel driven to find more and better ways to care for goats. They arenít sure what drives them, but they know they feel antsy, unhappy, and things arenít right with the world if they donít. Thatís good olí goat mind control, short and simple.

All that goat has to do is walk up to a person and looking loving and deep into their eyes and beg for a petting, and we melt. We canít resist. Soon, we are waiting on them hand and hoof. Oh, and to have a baby goat come up and act like it absolutely adores you, weíre goners for sure, trying to take the best care of those kids.

And, then thereís ÖÖ wait a minute, what time is it? Oh my gosh, you almost let me be late for evening feeding! Whereís my bucket of grain? Iíve got to make sure everyone gets fresh water. "Yas, Mahster, I am coming to the barn now. Donít worry, I will get the feed bucket and put out the hay. Lee and I can eat later after we take care of our babies and mommas." Speaking of which, donít you all feel a little tickling in your brain that you need to be at the barn? Well, get with it. Youíll feel a whole lot better when youíve done what the goats say.

What about mind control? Oh, thatís silly. What goat could do mind control on a person?

"Yas, Mahster, Iím going to the barn to get the bucket of grain now."

THE END


 

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