BOERGOATS.COM COVER PAGE PREVIOUS DISPLAY HUMOR AND FICTION Sorted by Title Resort By Date 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS - Dec 15th, 2003   This is a goat farmer’s (me) remake of the Twelve Days of Christmas. ... 4 H FRETTER-ER - Apr 6th, 2009 A BUCK GROWS UP - Not dated    Ouch!... Now, THAT hurt! Where's the food? It's cold! Where's the food? What's that? Feels Good! Oh, she's cleaning me. I LOVE... ADAPTING - Mar 21st, 2011 AGAIN, THE SKY IS FALLING - May 30th, 2011 ALL YOU NEED IS ... CARDBOARD - Oct 22nd, 2007   Many years ago the Beatles wrote that all you need is love. Well, they hadn’t been to our farm during kidding time. You need cardboard, too. And, prob... AMANNAMEDJED - Jun 4th, 2001   Listen to my story about a man named Lee, a poor mountaineer but he kept his family fed ( one ... AND THEN IT GOT COLD - Dec 27th, 2010 AND THEN IT WARMED UP TO ZERO - Jan 26th, 2009 ANGRY GOAT FARMER - May 17th, 2004   Do you know the best way to settle down an angry goat farmer? Compliment them on their goats. Brag on those goats. And, soon troubled waters are smoot... ANTIQUE GOAT FARMING - Dec 30th, 2002   I believe one of my most favorite shows on television is the Antiques Road Show on ... ANYTHING BUT THAT - Jan 29th, 2007   It has been over seven years since this has happened to us, so I guess we were due. Ah, first time kidders. Don’t you love them? You never know what s... ARE BUCKS EVER BABIES - Nov 21st, 2005   I mean that literally, were bucks ever just plain ol’ babies? That thought came to mind the other evening as I watched a three week old buck chase a l... AROMA THERAPY - Feb 11th, 2002   How many times have you stepped out of the house, all dressed up in your going to town ... ARTFUL DODGERS - Apr 19th, 2010 ARTIC FRONT - Feb 24th, 2003   It’s not easy dressing for winter chores, but when an artic front came and sat on us for a couple of weeks, it felt almost impossible to dress for it.... AUTUMN BOQUET - Nov 18th, 2002   The last two weeks have been very interesting. We decided to kid 6 of the full blood Boer girls early to ... B U B - B U B - B U B - Mar 12th, 2007   As I was walking through the barnyard the other day, one of our bred does, went, “Bub-bub-bub.” I stopped, surprised, and asked her, “Did you just say... BABY BACK EXCUSE - Mar 24th, 2003   "I know I have dishes to do, but first I have to go scratch baby backs." How many of you have used this excuse to put off a household chore or a wash ... BABY MONITORS - Jul 15th, 2002   I haven’t quite decided about baby monitors yet. That is, whether they are a blessing or a curse to the goat ... BACK TO NATURE - Aug 9th, 2004    ... BAIT - Aug 11th, 2008 BARKING AT GOATS - May 23rd, 2005   Wouldn’t you know, Lee and I go all winter without getting sick once, no flu, no colds, no nothing, and as soon as nice weather appears - BAM! We both... BARN SOUR TRUCK - Jul 30th, 2001   If any of you have ever owned a horse, you know what a barn sour horse is. It’s a ... BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED - Jul 29th, 2002   The really neat thing about goats, or is it the really "cool" thing? I know I’ve been told that ... BE HAPPY - Jul 26th, 2010 BEAUTY MISTAKES - May 31st, 2010 BEHAVIORS - Sep 25th, 2001   Have you ever noticed that whatever livestock you raise that you tend to take on some ... BEHIND THE GATE - Jun 16th, 2008 BIG 10-4 GOAT FARMER - Jun 29th, 2009 BIKINI WEDNESDAYS - Jul 2nd, 2007   I have been seriously studying marketing plans of other businesses and seeing if they would improve the selling of our goats. Being a very cheap, I me... BILLBOARD GOAT FARMING - Apr 22nd, 2003   Farmers, especially goat farmers, are always looking for ways to make a little more money on the farm. I believe I’ve come up with an idea that’s goin... BILLIES & STICKWEEDS - Jan 16th, 2002   Years ago, as a little kid, I loved to hear my Granddad tell the story of the billy and the ... BLIZZARD OF 92 - Not dated   The blizzard of ’92 is hard to forget. It’s not to be mistaken with the blizzard of ’96 where ... BLONDE GOAT FARMER - Jul 26th, 2004   This past week I have come to believe that my goats ... BLONDE HUMOR - Dec 22nd, 2004 BOTTLE BABIES - May 20th, 2002   I have been looking at my bottle babies with a great deal of affection lately. Even when they are weaned ... BOTTLE BABY TALK - Jan 31st, 2005   "Uh, uh, uh, uh", and Lee immediately went and got me some Half & Half for my tea. It works! Bottle baby talk works! Though I didn’t mean to mimic my ... BOTTLE BABY WITHDRAWAL - Jun 28th, 2004   In a little over two weeks, I will be going through severe bottle baby withdrawal. I realized this the other day when Lee brought home ten chicks from... BOXING SUNBEAMS - Feb 25th, 2008 BRONCHITIS. - Jan 27th, 2003   Something new always happens each kidding season. Never fails. This time was no exception, except it happened to me. I haven’t had a cold, sniffle, fl... BRUISE OR DIRT - Sep 8th, 2003   This is but one of many questions goat farmers find themselves asking. Another one would be, "Is that buck really going to chase me around the chicken... BUCK LOVE - Sep 15th, 2000   Late one night I levitated straight up from bed. I just heard a dying moose bellow. I thought ... BUCKETHEAD - Jun 18th, 2001   We have been kidding for ten years now (no, we are not going around telling ... BUCKS IN STOCK - Jun 3rd, 2002   No, I’m not talking about an HBO movie or a Hallmark movie "Bucks Behind Bars" or "Bucks in Chains." ... CALLING YOOOOU - Not dated   I know, you think I’ve forgotten how to spell "you". What I am thinking about is the longing ... CAN'T TOUCH THIS - Sep 24th, 2007   Bucks have an ego problem. They think they are the hottest thing going. They walk and prance around, strutting their stuff, hollering and whooping and... CANE I DO IT? - Aug 24th, 2009 CARPAL TUNNEL HAY - Sep 1st, 2000   The day after getting in our first cutting hay I noticed that three fingers on my left hand ... CATCHING PEARL - Jul 2nd, 2001   That’s right, Pearl singular, not Pearl plural. No, we don’t have a crystal clear lagoon on the ... CHICK CHICK CHICORY - Aug 22nd, 2011 CHOCOLATE PLUM - Sep 1st, 2011 CHRISTMAS KIDDING - Dec 17th, 2001   ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, Kidding Style ... CHUCK - Aug 29th, 2005   You have to have a strange sense of humor when raising goats, or, maybe it’s raising goats gives you a strange sense of humor. Whatever, people always... COLD IS OUR FRIEND NOT - Jan 3rd, 2005   From the tip of my frozen nose to the bottoms of my frozen feet, I feel for those goat farmers who live farther north then I do. Even our southern goa... COUGH DROP WORMER - Jan 11th, 2010 COUNTING - Jun 16th, 2003   I don’t know about you, but I learned to count at an early age. My first experience with numbers was with my mom. I remember her saying something like... CRUMPLED - Dec 16th, 2002   Two days ago Lee did absolutely the best Crumple I’d ever seen. If the Olympic judges had been ... CUD CHEWING CONTENTMENT - Dec 1st, 2008 DAYCATIONS - May 18th, 2009 DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE - May 19th, 2003   Once again, being busy goat farming, I’ve let my letter writing to the relatives slip. Knowing how the relatives look forward to my extremely fascinat... DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE - Jul 17th, 2006   Dear Favorite Relative, ... DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE - Jul 12th, 2004   Once again I find myself late in writing the relatives. I know how they sit on the edge of their chairs, eagerly anticipating hearing about the exc... DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE - May 21st, 2007   Once again it has been too long since I have written. I understand how you wait with bated breath for the next installment of my goat farming saga, kn... DELOUSED - May 16th, 2011 DOES ANYBODY REALLY KNOW ... - Jul 5th, 2005   Once again an old rock song has popped into my head to describe this story. It was a hit 33-34 years ago and the old rock group kept repeating the phr... DOES ON KIDDING - Apr 22nd, 2002   The other day I was watching some does standing around the barn, complacently ... DOWNSIZING - Mar 26th, 2001   The other morning, while we were sitting at the table eating a healthy, hearty breakfast of ... DRAMA QUEEN - Nov 6th, 2007   Goats have personalities. That’s the plain and simple truth. In the middle of our kidding season with anywhere from 30-40 does in separate kidding sta... DRENCHED! - Apr 8th, 2002   Just typing the word makes me feel wet all over. How ... DRESS FOR SUCCESS - Mar 25th, 2002   A while back I read an article that said how you dressed is what made you successful or ... DUCT TAPE. - Aug 25th, 2003   Oh, duct tape, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. ... DUMPSTER RAIDERS - Jul 28th, 2003   Raiders of the Found Dumpsters, Dumpster Hunter, The Dumpster, Dumpster Quest, I think you are starting to get the picture that this story is about du... EARPUGS - Mar 24th, 2008 EGG SHELL MASSACRE - Nov 2nd, 2009 EMMITT - Sep 19th, 2011 EMPTY NEST SYNDROME - May 4th, 2009 EQUIPMENT OPERATORS - DANCERS - Apr 2nd, 2010 ESCAPE ARTIST - Aug 30th, 2007   So...you think you have problems keeping your goats in their assigned area?Check out Peggy Sue, Katie Wolf's little escape artist! ... ESCORT SERVICE - Aug 27th, 2007   When you became a goat farmer, did you ever think you would also be into escort services? A goat farmer wears many hats on the farm. You have to wear ... FALLING SKY - May 3rd, 2010 FARM WALK - Sep 23rd, 2002   As I trudged out through the field the other day, I suddenly realized I was walking totally ... FARMER C S I - Oct 4th, 2004    ... FEEL LIKE A NUT - Oct 20th, 2008 FIRST IMPRESSIONS - Nov 7th, 2001   Way back when I ran out of goats to sell, I offered to sell a group my ... FIRST LINE OF DEFENSE - Sep 7th, 2010 FIRST YOU TAKE YOUR SOCK - Feb 7th, 2011 FLOATING MUSHROOMS - Oct 21st, 2002   No, I haven’t been having flashbacks from eating too much chocolate when I was ... FORKS IN THE ROAD - Jun 17th, 2002   If you are literal minded the way I am, you are now picturing all these forked eating utensils lying on the ... FULL OF BULL - Jun 1st, 2004   Last week was a strange week. Usually people are calling or dropping by to visit the goats. But, it was quiet. No one called, no one dropped by, even ... G G - Dec 2nd, 2002   I have finally realized that there is something basically wrong with me. I know, I know, I’m a goat farmer. ... GATE ATTACK !!!! - Jul 4th, 2001   Seems there is always something new going on around here. ... GIRL WATCHER - Apr 22nd, 2005   Remember that peppy old song, "I’m a girl watcher. I’m a girl watcher, watching girls go by. My, my, my. I’m a girl watcher. I’m a girl watcher. Here ... GLIDING - Jul 27th, 2009 GLOBAL SUPPORT CENTER - Apr 15th, 2008 GNAWED AND BASICALLY CHEWED - May 17th, 2010 GOAT ADDICTION - Jul 30th, 2007   I really need to start putting warning labels on each goat I sell. I’m thinking about, “WARNING! Goats can be addictive.” That should cover it and no ... GOAT CELEBRATIONS - Nov 16th, 2009 GOAT FARMER SONG - Mar 10th, 2003   I don’t know about the rest of you, but I like to sing or hum while I’m outside working or in the barn doing chores. I can belt out a good many oldie ... GOAT FARMER WEIGHT TRAINING - Mar 13th, 2006   I thought it was high time I shared with you my weight training experiences. Being goat farmers/ranchers, it is extremely important to be strong enoug... GOAT FARMER'S CREED - Aug 23rd, 2004   I’ve noticed among goat farmers that there are certain ideals that they all follow. I thought I’d mention a few just to see if you all are following t... GOAT FARMING CAMP - Feb 11th, 2003   Lately I’ve been receiving a lot of pamphlets, brochures, and advertisements on One Day Goat Seminar, one week long Goat Field Days, Three Hour Goat N... GOAT HOLIDAY GIFTS - Dec 19th, 2002   I know some of you have waited until these final shopping days before ... GOAT HUNTING - Not dated   There’s a crispness in the air and a twinkle in Lee’s eye that let’s you know WV bow ... GOAT KLEENEX - Dec 1st, 2003   I was thinking about contacting the Kleenex company or possibly Puffs about a new line of tissues that would sell like hot cakes, called Goat Kleenex ... GOAT LANGUAGE - Aug 11th, 2002   Parlez-vous Goat? Er, how about, Estes Goat? That is about all the foreign language I know, which is ... GOAT OLYMPICS - Not dated   Gymnastics ... GOAT PROFILER - Mar 26th, 2007   After watching several shows about profiling the criminal mind, it suddenly occurred to me that I was a profiler. I have a real knack for profiling go... GOAT SCIENTIST - Jul 16th, 2001   Deep in the bowels of my underground laboratory, on a dark and stormy ... GOAT WHEELS - Dec 23rd, 2001   Editor's Note: Those of us in the "colonies" sometimes forget that our ability to improvise comes from our mother countrie... GOAT WRITER - Jul 25th, 2011 GOATS RULE - Mar 14th, 2005   It is true for our farm, goats rule. Everything is worked around our goats. Our doctor, dentist, eye exams, dermatologist, grocery shopping, clothes s... GOOD GRIEF - Aug 15th, 2005   I have been in situations on the farm where all I could do was shake my head like Charlie Brown and say, "Good grief." I say this quite a lot while wa... GOT RUNS? - Aug 1st, 2000   Lee and I have been fighting the runs since spring. I mean the runs in the ... GOTTA WORK KIDS - Apr 9th, 2001   No, I’m not talking about making your two legged kids work their little fingers to the bone ... GRAND CANYON OF CHILDRESS - Not dated   His front right leg was strangely twisted at the knee and clearly broken ... GREAT KIDDERS - Not dated   Sitting in the barn on my favorite bucket at 5:30 a.m. with the temperature at 8 degrees ... HAULING GOATS - Oct 5th, 2001   The other day Lee and I had to go to a favorite farm store to pick up fencing supplies. ... HAVE MILK WILL TRAVEL - May 22nd, 2006   I ran into a slight problem doing all the chores when Lee had to have surgery for his Morton’s Neuroma. What’s Morton’s Neuroma? As I understand it, i... HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE - Not dated   Have you ever walked out among your goats and scratched your head at how they are ... HAY MONITOR - Apr 21st, 2008 HE-BE-GEE-BE'S - Jun 2nd, 2008 HELP! HELP! HELP! - Jul 16th, 2007   So help me, if I hear another HELP! from my animals, I’m going to... I guess I’ll do what I usually do after checking out the problem, either laugh my... HELP! I'M IN THE BATHTUB - Jun 14th, 2010 HELPING HOOVES - Feb 9th, 2004   I sincerely think goats mean to be helpful, just sometimes something gets lost in the process. I should say most tame goats want to be helpful, the wi... HERD OF TURTLES - Oct 8th, 2007   I had forgotten what young animals are like. Sure, I know about goat kids. It seems we have some somewhere all year long and they can both exasperate ... HERE COMES KIDDING TIME - A CHRISTMAS TUNE - Dec 16th, 2007   A song pops to mind, this Christmas time. When everyone else is going, “Oh, my, it’s almost Christmas!” Guess what the focus is of the goat farmer who... HOBBLE, HOBBLE - Mar 9th, 2009 HOLIDAY TRADITIONS (A GROANER) - Dec 21st, 2004   When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce ... HOME DECORATOR - Nov 15th, 2004   I was discussing this the other day with some friends, about being a home decorator. The thought of me being a home decorator came about because our b... HORNLESS - Sep 7th, 2004   We finally had to do it. We had to take the horns off of our three and a half year old full blood Boer buck. His horns had grown in and turned out at ... HOT CHOCOLATE - Feb 22nd, 2010 HOW TO BUY GOATS - Not dated   Here are some timely tips for goat buyers, whether first timers or old hands at buying goats. ... HOW YOU FEELING? - Nov 15th, 2001   Don’t answer that question with, "With my fingers." I’m thinking more about health ... HUGS - Nov 19th, 2007   According to the psychologists at Manchester University, everyone needs at least one hug a day to cope with the stress of modern life. Also, they were... HUNDERD YEARS - Mar 8th, 2010 HUNTING LUMBERJACKS - Oct 10th, 2005   Our goats have picked up a very strange habit - hunting lumberjacks. I just want to give fair warning to anyone living near us who regularly uses a ch... I APPROVE THIS MESSAGE - Oct 22nd, 2004   I’ve noticed something over the last several months with both local and national elections, politicians saying an odd thing. And, it doesn’t matter if... I FEEL PRETTY - Sep 11th, 2006   Granted, this is not something most goat farmers wake up singing. Particularly, if they are a man. Unless they do a remake of the West Side song and s... I PREFER LONG EYE LASHES - Dec 4th, 2006   A couple of times a year I get this one particular question asked by folks about my goats that are for sale. All the others who call never even consid... I REALLY DO HAVE A HOME - Apr 9th, 2007   I keep telling my goats this, but they don't believe me, particularly the baby goats. Especially if it's kidding season, the goats see me all the time... I'LL HOLD HIM BACK - May 8th, 2006   It was that time again. May, when we put the full blood does in with the bucks for an October kidding. With pens and pastures and goats spread from hi... I'M A LITTLE TEAPOT - Jul 13th, 2009 I'M STILL HERE? - May 5th, 2008 INDIAN SUMMER - Oct 17th, 2011 INNOCENT 1ST TIME KIDDERS - Apr 7th, 2003   First time kidders are always interesting. You never know how they will react to kidding. You wonder when the contractions start, what will they do? T... INTERNET AUCTIONS - Sep 25th, 2006   Anyone been watching the Boer auctions on their computer lately? What a Hoot! I love it! This beats reality television hands down. Why? Well, for once... INVESTMENTS - Not dated   Lately I have been receiving one or two emails a week concerning rich Nigerian citizens ... IRON WILL - Mar 27th, 2006   Finally in March we were down to six yearling girls to kid and one older doe. Then we would be through until October kidding. So far, four of the year... IT TOOK TWO - Jan 25th, 2010 JINGLE BELL GOATS - Dec 18th, 2006   In tribute to Christmas and goat farmers, particularly those of us who farm on hillsides, I’ve done a goaty rendition of our favorite tune, Jingle Bel... JOKE - GET A JOB! - Jun 26th, 2001   A goat walks into a employment office and says to the assistant: ... JOYFUL - Jun 15th, 2009 JUMPY LITTLE SNOWBIRD - Jun 6th, 2005   Have you ever played "Jumpy Little Snowbird" with human babies? This is where the human baby is just learning to walk and is holding onto the coffee t... JUST 1 MORE GOAT - Not dated   "I want one purebred doe before fall. That's my goal," I announced to my ... KEYSTONE KOPS - Jun 13th, 2011 KID CATCHING - Not dated   With better breeding and better nutrition the fastest kids in the country are being grown ... KID IN A BOX - Feb 25th, 2002   You know the children’s Dr. Seuss’s series of the Cat In A Hat? Well, I’ve been thinking ... KID SENSORY OVERLOAD - Jun 14th, 2004   This highly technical term simply means a kid going ga-ga over brand new surroundings. We had this happen to a kid just a couple of weeks ago. We’d ki... KIDMARES - Jan 28th, 2008   Do the very young kids have nightmares, or more commonly called by me, kidmares? I think so. I think all animals have dreams, the way they twitch and ... KNUCKLE SANDWICHES - Dec 13th, 2004   If I’ve said this once I’ve said this a hundred times to my bottle babies over the years, "Turn loose of the knuckle." At some time or the other my ha... LADYLIKE BUCK SELLER - Aug 25th, 2008 LAST BUCK STANDING - Oct 9th, 2006   Raising breeding bucks to sell to the public is no easy matter. Handling the buck herd is a whole different ballgame compared to handling your sweet o... LEFT OVERS - Nov 13th, 2007   One day I discovered that the last bucket of gleaned whole corn I had gathered at the granary by the railroad tracks had molded. I had forgotten to sp... LETTERS - Not dated    When you live on a farm and work long farm hours, it’s important to keep in touch with ... LETTERS FROM THE FARM - Jan 2nd, 2002    I suddenly realized the other day that it had been a good while since I had written any ... M. D. GOAT - May 9th, 2005    Has anyone seen the 1987 movie, Princess Bride, directed by Rob Reiner? It’s a delightfully funny fractured fairy tale. In it the hero gets tortured b... MAD AGGIE - Jan 17th, 2005    In all the years of kidding, I can think of only two goats that got really mad after kidding. Maybe not mad, but extremely protective of their babies.... MANIPULATE WHAT? - Aug 10th, 2009 MASTER BLASTER - Jan 21st, 2003    I believe I have misnamed one of my darling little bottle babies. She has this sweet little girly name, but little did I know what her personality was... MAYBE THIS TIME - Aug 23rd, 2010 MEMBER ME - Apr 19th, 2004    Okay, I have to admit it. I’m terrible at remembering people’s names. Always have been dreadful at it. I keep pencils near the phone so I can scribble... MIND CONTROL - Nov 17th, 2008 MR. SNUFFY - Aug 26th, 2002    How many times have you taken someone out to show off one of your favorite goats and ... MUSHROOM HUNTING - Jun 5th, 2006    Sitting in the doctor’s office the other day, I got to listen in to a fascinating cell phone conversation from a fellow sitting at the other end of th... MUTTER MUTTER - Oct 3rd, 2011 NAMING GOATS - Apr 10th, 2001    Mary, Mary, Bo-berry, banana-fanna-fo-ferie... ... NANNY BERRIES ~ DEAR FAVORITE RELATIVE - Feb 14th, 2005    ... NEW "KID" ... SHOWING - Not dated    "Sign here, and here and here and here and.....", It goes own forever. The stacks of papers grow bigger. ... NEW HAY IN THE HOUSE - Jan 24th, 2011 NEW KIDS. - Not dated    Being present at a kidding is an awesome experience. You are there right at the moment ... NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS - Jan 12th, 2009 NORMAL - Sep 22nd, 2008 OCTOBER KIDDING - Nov 1st, 2004    We have just finished with October kidding. We like to kid out some full bloods in October to free up some kidding stalls for the January kidding of p... ODE TO ODOR - Nov 4th, 2002    The other morning I was walking down the hill and took in a big breath of fresh country air and started coughing. I had made the mistake of taking in ... OH, MY - Jan 30th, 2006    I remember reading that if you are going to sell goats, you really need a website. Since we sell goats, I took their word and decided to try and get a... OUCH - Nov 3rd, 2003    "I fought the Sun and the Sun won. I fought the Sun and the Sun won." The words to that particular song came to me the other day. It’s an old rock son... PANIC ATTACK! - Oct 6th, 2003    As a goat farmer, I have found panic attacks very useful. The panic attack either puts me into active overdrive, both mind and body, instantly able to... PAW PAWS - Sep 20th, 2010 PHILOSOPHY OF HYPOCRISY - Oct 12th, 2005 PHONE CALLS - Oct 26th, 2001    "Is this the person to whom I am speaking to?" I keep waiting to get a phone call like ... PHONE CLASS - Aug 11th, 2003    Tap, tap, tap, tap. "Attention, students. Your phone class on how to call and ask about goats is about to start. Everyone take their seats and make su... PICK POCKETS - Apr 18th, 2011 PIRANHA PEN - Mar 22nd, 2010 PLAYING DEAD - Jun 19th, 2008 PLEASED AS PUNCH - May 19th, 2008 PLEASING GOAT CUSTOMERS - Apr 24th, 2006    You know, it’s not always easy pleasing goat customers. I find the four to five year old customers the hardest to please. They bring their parents alo... PLOP - Dec 29th, 2003    Many things go "Plop" on a goat farm. Some good, some not so good. Not so good is when you are walking by a goat and they go to use the bathroom and y... POOF POOF - Mar 28th, 2005    Goats can be smart little creatures in their own way. They keep constantly trying to figure out ways to beat the "system". Sounds sort of like people,... PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE - Aug 1st, 2005    Practice makes perfect and Lee and I are probably well on our way of being the most perfect hauling hay losers around. Now, you don’t get this good at... PRESENTS - Dec 13th, 2010 PRISCILLA THE HUN - Oct 24th, 2005    Way back in our history lessons we all read about Attila the Hun, a ruthless warrior. Well, in our herd we have Priscilla the Hun, a ruthless goat. Pr... PRO WRESTLER OR PUPPY - Aug 9th, 2010 PROFESSIONAL POO CHECKER - Jul 30th, 2001    I believe, most of my life I have been a professional "poo" checker. Not a Winnie the ... PSYCH ME OUT - Jun 27th, 2011 PUTTING ON A SHOW - Apr 3rd, 2007    Getting ready for a goat show can be physically and mentally exhausting... cleaning and trimming the goats, loading the trailer, remembering all the e... QUIPS & QUOTES - Jul 20th, 2003    A husband was advised by his psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have ... QUIPS-N-QUOTES II - Feb 3rd, 2004    I once had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was ... REAP THE WILD WIND - Nov 29th, 2004    Often times I find that just living life gets in the way of my goat farming. Not too long ago the doctor looked at me and said, "You are getting of th... RECORD KEEPING - Nov 17th, 2003    A goat farmer needs to learn to keep records. No, not those flat, plastic, pancake discs that you play on a turn table. Oh dear, showing my age. Now I... REDNECK TANK TOP - Aug 8th, 2008    Now I ask you... ... REFEREE - Nov 15th, 2010 REQUESTS - Feb 9th, 2009 ROAD TRIP 2003 - Jun 30th, 2003    Lee calls it our Vacation 2003, but since it lasted from Monday at 10:30 a.m. to Tuesday (next day) until 6 p.m., I doubt it qualifies as a vacation. ... ROCK ON - May 7th, 2007    This is for all the senior goat farmers and ranchers out there who are stubbornly farming. Rock on. You forty year old youngsters haven’t got a clue w... ROLL'UM ROLL'UM - Jun 19th, 2006    There are so many positions I find myself in when doctoring goats. And, it all depends on what parts of my body that are willing to work that day. I f... ROLLIN', ROLLIN', ROLLIN' - Nov 30th, 2009 RUB DIRT ON IT - Apr 20th, 2007    I'm not saying you have to be particularly tough to be a goat farmer, but it helps. To be a goat farmer, you have to have Attitude. No matter how hot ... S-T-R-E-S-S - Not dated    Stressed-out may be a better word then just stress. This is what momma goats and owners ... SANDWICHED - Sep 21st, 2009 SAWDUST. - Sep 22nd, 2003    Yes, it’s time to discuss the three S’s that many goat farmers have to deal with: sunscreen, sawdust, & sun roofs. Let’s take them in order: to stay a... SCHEDULING - Aug 28th, 2006    My goats believe in schedules. In fact, by the way they act, they set their watches by it. They know exactly when they are suppose to be fed, watered,... SCREAMING BANSHEES - Apr 9th, 2008 SECRET AGENT - Feb 11th, 2008    It occurred to me, as I stealthily slipped down our hallway, that goat farmers who raise bottle kids act like secret agents. I thought of this as I pe... SHAGA GOOBLE SHAGA BLIP - Jul 14th, 2008 SHANNIGANS & KID SLOBBERS - Jun 2nd, 2003    Sometimes I wonder what the neighbors think. I don’t often wonder what people think. But, the neighbors that see me day in day out working on the farm... SHORT TIGHT STEPS & OTHER ODD EVENTS - Jan 2nd, 2007    Life is full of oddities. Strange little events that happen that wouldn’t quite make a story but there they are, plunked down right in the middle of y... SHOTS - Oct 22nd, 2001    Most of us have been associated with shots in one form or another all of our lives. It ... SHOULD EVERYONE VOTE - Apr 14th, 2005    Voters - We're in more trouble than I imagined! ... SLEEP DEPRIVATION - Jan 12th, 2004    From the journal of Scientist Ralph, PhD in sleep scientology, an in-depth study of sleep deprivation syndrome during kidding season. ... SMART GOATS - Jul 1st, 2002    This is something I try never to do, raise smart goats. I’m not saying I’m trying to raise really really dumb ... SMUDGED - Jun 1st, 2009 SNAP, CRACKLE, POP - Mar 7th, 2011 SNATCHED BALD - Apr 5th, 2004    Have you ever wondered where certain terms or phrases came from? From my own personal experiences, I’d say they come from real life. Snatched bald, bi... SNEAKY - Mar 22nd, 2004    When you become a goat farmer, one valuable trait you will need to develop is how to be sneaky around your goats. I’ve frequently considered teaching ... SONG OF THE FROG - May 2nd, 2011 SPIES, SECRET AGENTS, SPOOKS, AND OTHER GOATS - Dec 14th, 2009 SSSNAKE - Not dated    Two days ago I looked down in the buck’s pen from our backyard and saw Lee slightly ... STAMPEDE! - Jun 18th, 2007    Each group of weanlings can be so different in attitude. This year’s Jan./Feb. girls, even at two months of age, tended to stampede. The least little ... STARGATE BOERS - Oct 5th, 2009 STEAM-IRON SANDWICHES - Not dated    One of the reasons I scratched places like Colorado, Montana, and ... STEP BY STEP - Nov 30th, 2010 STICK IT WHERE - Sep 26th, 2005    It occurred to me over the weekend, when I received an email question asking where you put a digital thermometer on a goat, that too often us experien... STOMPING ORANGE STRINGS - Jun 4th, 2007    It’s been a busy morning. I’ve been industriously leaping, jumping, stomping and stampeding out of the barn. And, it’s all because of that black snake... STUCK AGAIN - Jul 7th, 2008 STUDENT ANALOGIES AND METAPHORS - Jun 28th, 2006    Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their ... STUPID IS... - Not dated    Lee came home the other night and I announced, "You can’t believe what I did! I can’t ... SUNSHINE BOO BOO'S - Not dated    Years ago when I was still concerned with what my hair looked like, I refused to wear hats. ... SUPER HERO - Oct 23rd, 2006    I can’t believe it. I’m a Super Hero. After carefully studying movies and cartoons and seeing that an individual with an exceptional talent is called ... SUPER SUCKERS - Dec 31st, 2007    I am sure I have had national champions in super sucker bottle babies. Each has had their own style, but most have been amazing super suckers. The int... SUPPER AT SEVEN A.M. - Apr 4th, 2011 SURVEY SAYS - Feb 28th, 2005    This year I decided to take a survey of all my 4-H children who came to buy meat goat projects. These are the children not teen-agers, all under twelv... SURVIVING KIDDING - Jan 28th, 2002    While spreading peanut butter with my finger on my favorite whole wheat bread, it ... SWASH - BUCKLING BUCKS - Nov 20th, 2006    Goat farming can involve many swashbuckling adventures and undercover spy missions. The excitement goat farming provides can keep the pulse racing for... TAKING CARE OF BUSINESS - Dec 29th, 2008 TALKING POCKETS - Jan 16th, 2006    Since I have this habit of falling over the hill while caring for the goats, Lee has decided to make me carry a cell phone. That way, if I can’t get b... TATTOOING - Sep 10th, 2001    The other day we were at the lumberyard and I noticed a young man with tattoos all up and ... THANK GOODNESS FOR MUD - Jan 15th, 2007    I never meant to turn into a mud connoisseur at the same time as being a goat farmer, it just happened. In our area of the country, we get a lot of ra... THE $37.50 BUCK - Sep 17th, 2001    Ever have one of those days where you know from the moment you wake up, that the day would be better spent hiding in a closet? This morning marked one... THE 2003 DARWIN AWARDS - Dec 2nd, 2003    When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did somethi... THE COWBOY WAY - May 3rd, 2004    Over the years, I have discovered there are many different "styles" of raising goats. And, a lot of it depended on what animal you had raised last. Ye... THE DACHSHUND AND THE LEOPARD - Jun 3rd, 2004    A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took ... THE DANGERS OF GUM BOOTS - Dec 6th, 2005    I never thought of gum boots being dangerous until I heard what happened the other day. There was a retired farmer in the area, has been retired for y... THE FARM WOOKIE - Jul 3rd, 2006    It occurred to me the other day, while I was carrying on a conversation with Nico, that I had a farm Wookie. He had said one particularly long drawn o... THE FLYING GOATZANIES - Oct 4th, 2010 THE FRAGRANCE OF HAY - Dec 3rd, 2007    Ahhh, there is nothing like the fresh smell of hay in the living room. Oh, come on, don’t be shocked. You did remember I was a goat farmer, didn’t you... THE GAME'S AFOOT - Dec 28th, 2009 THE GOAT WHISPERER - May 6th, 2002    I believe I have finally joined that small minority of the human population known as the ... THE MOB SQUAD - Jul 12th, 2011 THE MORAL BUCK - Aug 27th, 2001    I never thought I’d own a moral buck, but it’s finally happened. We’ve owned a ... THE PET CHICKEN - Oct 18th, 2010 THE PIED PIPER - Jun 29th, 2006    The note on our gate read: "Are the goats in my front yard yours.or not?" Then followed the description of where this front yard was located. So we ba... THE PLAN - Mar 23rd, 2009 THE SCARECROW GOAT SELLER - Feb 27th, 2006    There’s a rumor going up and down the valley about a scarecrow goat seller. It seems someone driving by a farm saw a scarecrow walking around, talking... THE SMELL OF MONEY - Not dated    My neighbor bought an eight-month-old buck from me last year. We had breakfast together the other day and he told me how he had a little trouble gett... THE TALKING GOAT - Dec 12th, 2002    This guy sees a sign in front of a house: ... THE TARP ANNIHILATOR - Sep 10th, 2007    That’s a rather long name for a sweet barn kitty, but that is what she is, a tarp annihilator. No tarp can withstand her long. Her alias is Kitty Tigg... THE THINKER - Jun 28th, 2010 THE TICK - Sep 12th, 2005    The other day Lee and I decided to move the March bucks in with our four year old buck, Nico, just for a while. We were planning ahead for the October... THE TRUTH ABOUT DOGS - Jan 30th, 2004    1. Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays outside ... THE V WORD - Dec 3rd, 2001    Every year, around the fall of the year, Lee comes into the house and says the "V" ... THE WINDY TAX - Jul 14th, 2003    I’m not a political person. I’m too busy trying to keep up with my goats. It really takes something unusual to catch my attention in the political are... THE WORM HAS TURNED - Aug 13th, 2007    It seems I spend as much time studying goat personalities as I do goat conformation and goat bloodlines. You ask, you mean in trying to decide which b... THE WORM HAS TURNED - Sep 8th, 2008 THEN THE KNEE DOCTOR SAID - Sep 22nd, 2004    ... THIS END UP - Aug 14th, 2006    I am going to run off some "This End Up" labels to have on hand whenever Lee and I go out to work goats. Not to put on the goats, but for us so the go... THUMP, BANG, WHOOP, AND HOLLER - Feb 13th, 2006    ... THURSDAY, THURSDAY - May 6th, 2001    I know, according to The Mamas and The Papas song, "Monday, Monday", it’s suppose to ... TIE THE ROPE TO THE HAMMER - Nov 1st, 2010 TOO MUCH FENCE - Not dated    That salutation seems to have been directed at Lowery Hilltop Farms. It has been a VERY interesting year. This is a tale of kidding stalls, a nursery ... TORNADO ALLEY - Apr 20th, 2001    Living in tornado alley means planning ahead for the unthinkable, and while I’m not all that big on the "doing" ... TORPEDOS AND TIDAL WAVES - Jan 26th, 2004    Oddly enough, with this last kidding season I wasn’t expecting to deal with torpedoes and tidal waves. It all started with the first timers. You know ... TOSS THE BLOCK - Jan 10th, 2011 TOY TRUCK - Sep 8th, 2009 TRAINING HUMANS - Feb 7th, 2010 TRUE LOVE - Feb 23rd, 2009 TWITCHY HANKEY - Jul 12th, 2010 UGH DAYS - Jul 18th, 2005    Have you ever had some days on the farm where you’re not exactly at your sharpest? I call these Ughdays. They aren’t Mondays or Tuesdays, they are Ugh... UNCLE ARTHUR - Mar 11th, 2002    The other morning the alarm went off at 5 a.m. and Lee jumped out of bed and briskly ... UNWITTINGLY - Apr 20th, 2009 USING CAFFEINE WISELY - Feb 12th, 2007    I love caffeine. Any goat farmer that’s into kidding season finds caffeine a life saver in staying awake that extra minute or being able to take that ... WALK LIKE A TURTLE - Feb 26th, 2007    I am so glad I am a goat farmer. I can officially complain and whine around and have a very good excuse for doing so. In fact, I can be considered a p... WALK ON THE WILD SIDE - Dec 19th, 2005    I believe I have found another way to make money from the goat farm. Have you noticed all the adrenalin seekers out there, looking for ways to scare ... WALK THIS WAY - Mar 10th, 2008 WANNA BUY A GOAT (WINK, WINK, WINK) - Nov 6th, 2006    October kidding is over and you would think that it is time to catch up on our rest. I think lack of sleep feeds on itself. The less sleep you get, ex... WARNING LABLES - Nov 3rd, 2008 WAS THAT 65 OR 66? - Apr 10th, 2006    The day was cloudy, fifty degrees, with a slight breeze. I put my finger in my mouth to wet it and then stuck it up in the air to see which way the wi... WAS THAT CHRISTMAS? - Jan 4th, 2006    Something just flew by me and I think it was Christmas. You can get just too busy on a farm at times. Important events can get left in the dust and al... WATER BUCKET TOAD - Jun 20th, 2005    Being a goat farmer it’s just amazing what all you get use to and never think a thing about. Today I had to take a toad out of the water bucket. Again... WAY TO THE HEART - Apr 11th, 2005    You know, after over thirty-one years of marriage, that ol’ goat farmer I married is still a romantic. Take the other day, I was sitting at the kitche... WEANING WEANERS - Apr 23rd, 2001    Weaning. That’s a word that makes even the strongest of goat breeders shake in their ... WEE GOAT FARMERS - Oct 19th, 2009 WELFARE GOATS - Not dated    Editor's note: This discription of overfeeding (from the human perspective) and underfeeding (from the goat perspective) ... WHAT A DAY - Oct 6th, 2008 WHAT DAY IS IT - Feb 21st, 2011 WHAT'D YOU SAY? - Oct 20th, 2003    ANYONE WHO OWNS GOATS FOR A WHILE HAS A GOOD CHANCE OF GETTING HARD OF HEARING. Oooops. Sorry. Didn’t mean to shout at you. I forgot we were inside. B... WHATSTH THISTH - Jan 14th, 2008    The above is newborn baby language before they've learned how to use their tongue. Newborn kids are fascinating. They can be both frustrating to deal ... WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU VEGETABLES. - May 22nd, 2003    Finally ... a doctor who gives useful health and nutrition advice! ... WHERE'S THE BRAKES - Jul 31st, 2006    ... WHOOWEE - Jul 28th, 2008 WIDE LOADS - Dec 15th, 2008 WILD GOAT MILKING - Not dated    I'm starting to worry about my selling practices. I think I am selling ... WINTER LIST - Oct 7th, 2002    I know the leaves are turning and it’s just hitting fall, but it’s time to make a winter ... WOE, DISPAIR... - Feb 23rd, 2004    Do any of you remember that old country comedy show "Hee Haw"? It was on for ages every Saturday night. It had plenty of good country tunes and countr... WRONG.TURN! - Mar 8th, 2004    Sometimes a Nanny Berry has to stand up and defend her home state from Hollywood. There are certain things Hollywood likes to poke fun at: church goin... YOU CALL HIM WHAT? - Nov 7th, 2005    Oh dear, I have to admit that I have greatly disappointed many a customer by the names I have given my goats. And people aren’t quiet about it any mor... YOU COME HERE, NO, YOU COME HERE, NO… - Jun 30th, 2008 ZAPPED! - May 5th, 2003    Zap! "NAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa." This is what we hear a lot when we are training our kids to the electric fence. It’s a heart breaker to hear and worse to wat... -