Lately I have been receiving one or two emails a week concerning rich Nigerian citizens
wanting to invest in my goat business. Evidently, worldwide, they have heard about my
ability to make vast amounts of money on goats. Ever since I was a kid Iíve always had
this business sense. I can remember my mom looking at purchases I had made at the store
and asking, "Whatís wrong with you?!" She was probably trying to figure out where my
sharp business acuity came from.
One email came from a sad Nigerian widow who had just last year lost her husband. He
had something to do with the government. After he had died suddenly, some business deal
he was working on for the Russians came through. The kind Russian government, realizing
the financial plight widows can get into, gave her the payment her husband would have
received, had he lived. Now she had eighty million dollars and wanted to make sure she
invested it wisely to have enough to do her into her old age.
And, where else could she be sure of a wise investment, but with my goat business! Right
away I saw she had the same business sense I had. And, how right she was to want to trust
me with her eighty million. What could be more profitable then goats?
Later that week I received another email, only this was from a Nigerian doctor. Evidently
he had heard this widow was onto a good thing and wanted to join in. He only had twenty
million to invest. I was certainly sympathetic to him, as Iíve had to work with less money,
too. Just because he only had twenty million, I was not going to be prejudice.
They both must have heard about my not too badly leaning buildings, fencing held frugally
together with pieces of barbed wire and electric wire, and the skillful way I can sell my kids
and impress the most hardhearted bookkeeper. I can sell a kid for $45-55 and only have
$90 maintenance in his mother, plus another $15 in the kid after heís been here a few
I can go to a sale and bid against myself and still come home with the goat. I can bring
home several does, feed them up to a glossy show shine, and sell them for much less then I
paid for them. I donít know. Itís just a gift I have. And, finally this gift is paying off. My
reputation has reached Nigeria.
With the first million I believe Iíll put in one of those fancy swimming pools. It will be
perfect to rinse my barn boots off in before going into the house. With enough chlorine
added, all new visitors can dip their shoes too to keep from bringing any diseases onto the
Then, Iím going to put one of those fancy town vetís on payroll. Anytime any worming or
foot trimming needs to be done, Iíll call him and let a professional wrestle around with my
goats. Heíll be particularly handy during kidding time. Iíll just leave him at the barn to
handle all kidding. Itís only good business sense to make sure I get all live kids. While heís
out there, he might as well clean a few stalls, too, waiting for the next doe to kid. Gotta get
the most for my money. See, good business sense.
All of our old antique farm equipment will have to go. We will definitely need a 4-wheel
drive John Deere tractor with air conditioning, heat, CD and cassette player, TV, DVD
player, phone, and one of those super padded seats with arm rests. Also, a computerized
round baler that does everything and you just go along for the ride. Sometimes you need to
square bale, so a new John Deere, top of the line, square baler should be enough to make
do. A brand new bobcat will be needed to clean barns, Iím sure the vet will appreciate
using it while waiting for the does to kid.
We will also need a one ton dually truck with more then the stuff thatís in the tractor and
also an air-conditioned and heated stock trailer to haul the goats in. Where we are going
with them, I havenít a clue, but weíll be ready. An international business must always be
I believe Iíll need to hire one of those publicity agents to promote the farm. Possibly put on
payroll a professional photographer to take pictures of me with my goats. Why be satisfied
with international fame? You should always try to improve yourself.
The barns definitely need heat in the winter. Those big cracks between the boards can
whistle through quite a draft. Adding a furnace and ductwork, registers, and a good blower
will warm the place up very nicely, especially if I keep the furnace working day and night.
That should fight back the cold air from the two-inch cracks in the boards.
Okay, I have a few things down on the list now, but Iíve got to get back to work doing goat
business stuff. I just read in the paper that someone is having a sacrifice Boer sale. Looks
like they are selling their older, 18 years old, Boer does at sacrificial prices of $5000 each.
With my glib tongue, I bet I can get them down to $4950 each. Iíd better hurry before they
are all gone. Oh, and while Iím going through town I can drop off at the post office the
$10,000 my investors need to get the millions sent over to me. Happy goating everyone.